All Hail President Trump and First Lady Whorina Vodkasnatch. I dedicate this review to you, and hope that your re-establishment of the Judge Dredd timeline (nuclear war, dystopian cityscapes and fucked up policies) is implemented in a tremendous and bigly manner. Also, go fuck yourselves.
This was a great Willsher cover even though he has written his name all over it like he is Donald Trump.
What we have is a great looking Rogue (which is far better than the one inside) blazing away on Norts with some lovely explosions and shell casings ejecting as he goes. It really is striking stuff.
There is some slight logo coverage which will madden the rest of the ECBT crew but I personally approve of the blue tinge on the brand logo as it matches Rogue’s skin. Just let’s not make a habit of it, eh? Keep it as the classic red.
Inside, Yewtree Tharg gives us some sexist banter from the 1988 Eagle Annual which is funny from a retrospective point of view but that’s it.
To be honest I found this a bit uninspiring.
I was a bit “zuh” with the cave being the only way in or out since we can see the sky in some bits so presumably they could teleport or get a VTOL airlift the fuck out of there once the mission is complete. Maybe that site to site teleport that Armitage pulled some deus ex machina on a short while ago is broken this week.
Some of the action logic was a bit off too, since when Gerhart runs dry (happens to us all, pal) and the Lawgivers come out, they all just stand there blazing away and nobody decides to fire hi-ex or rubber ricochets, both of which would raise merry hell in that corridor. Luckily the Sovs heard my disapproval on reading this and brought out their own hi-ex first.
Sadly the Sovs are also using some old school shields to move down the corridor and even modern tactical shields have ports for the guns instead of reaching around to expose the arm. Maybe those boys are just a bit low tech.
I guess that with Dredd shouting Anderson’s name all over the shop it no longer matters since the Sovs are about to die.
Speaking of which, Anderson takes control of the entire Sov system via her dropping a hand wavy psychic virus in the mainframe. I guess that is the equivalent of an alien computer being susceptible to a MAC but if it is a virus that was required, couldn’t they have just unplugged Sinfield and thrown in some porn pop ups to do the job? Or was this psychic virus a way to get around that? In which case, why isn’t this a form of hacking used all the time against enemies and why weren’t the Sovs using their own Psi Kops to rip the info from Sinfield’s head? The door swings both ways, does it not?
And why would the Sovs have hooked Sinfield up to their entire network rather than a local system where they could crack the info and then pass the data on? This is plot stupidity and serves only to allow Anderson to make her later declaration to the bad guys.
Moving on, she tells the Sovs that they are bad people and the surprise of her being there is now over since she is already in and they apparently can’t just reboot or anything. She tells them that they don’t want another Apocalypse War, even though East Meg 2 were not involved in that shit show. There seems to be some confusion over the years about this since it is assumed that all Sovs are of the same stripe.
At the close of this story, Sinfield is taken back to the Big Meg to continue to serve his sentence and it looks like only three Judges survived (Dredd, Anderson and one other- Gerhart?). Hopefully Giant is dead because he is boring as fuck. Either that or we are confusingly looking at two different groups of three emerging from the cave.
The art is very good (apart from that last confusing bit), well executed and would have really served a better story but was the Anderson on page 5 a re-use of the reveal image from last week? It looked identical from my recollection.
I’m still liking the art and it was cool to see different meats targeted to different customers with Dino Friends (colour in the fleshdozer!) being a particular favourite amongst the young carnivores.
Carver reveals (while pissing out of the door) that the Mystery Meat contains people who fall into the fleshdozers and as such, it will never pass his haute cuisine standards.
On a degustation note, the story is less appetising this week since we are still in scene setting mode and with cowboys being fed on, Reagan blazes away to bring us into the harsh realities of Cret life. We get a gorgeous panel of Reagan pulling out his bowie knife with the light of the fire behind him. Meanwhile, the Marines have stopped their assault on Base 6 and now Vegas and the reptoids are on the case. So, nothing of major concern is on the menu.
There is a greater science versus nature question here and hopefully Pat will walk us through those permutations in the coming weeks.
It transpires that the Xianta are a criminal cartel made up of ex-Mos Eisley Cantina patrons who fell on hard times back in 1977 when their local saw one maiming and a murder. As such they can provide anything you want in the universe, which begs the question, why do they want the General to provide Rogue? If they are so good at acquisitions, why do they need to make any sort of deals with anyone?
We get a repeat of what was said last week and it almost like there is some contempt for the series now.
Once Helm hacks into the Nort interweb, it transpires that the last man standing pushed the button on an orbital strike. The timing of this seems a bit weird as it is about a minute before Helm starts hacking in and he must take a while to do this. Meanwhile, the slowest missiles in the galaxy blow the place up while Rogue and the gang look from a distance with a “phew that was close” wrap up. So where is the tension here, exactly?
It also appears that this is all an elaborate ruse since the General planted info in this base thanks to a shitty forward look at the convenient plot. Like a porn movie actress working with Lex Steele, we’re being asked to swallow a lot.
Continuing the porn analogy we finish on Atalia, who reports to her Kolonel that they have a lead on Rogue and that is therefore top of their priorities.
We know the Kolonel is a bad guy as he has the three main clichés of being in shadow, having a scar and has a screw in his head. All that was missing was a fucking eyepatch and a Persian cat.
I’m still not sold on the art, having been spoiled by what might have been with that cover. The last panel on the first page makes Rogue look very odd and Gunnar seems uncomfortably slung in that.
Though Rogue doesn’t need to look like The Rock to be a hard core killing machine, he certainly needs to look better than Alexander Skarsgaard who is three years into a bad meth addiction. His biochips are also quite scratty looking. That said, there is a very nice panel of Rogue blazing away on Norts, though and a circle one for the Whittle.
Volodina is back on the case and is given a final warning to play by the rules or it is the gulag.
She accused her colleague Yegor of impropriety and it seems his pussy grabbing ways have not become a thing of the past. There is no love lost between him and her but there is an agreement not to acknowledge it going forward, which is pretty much the gold standard for sexual harassment these days.
Putting on her criminology hat, Volodina states that the killer picks up his shells as an indication of his ruthless cold blooded nature and not because he is some kind of pikey.
Meanwhile Bill is being hauled over the coals by his handler about his murder spree and there is a lovely scene with the Soviet war memorial and how Bill’s own memorial to his vengeance is set in stone inide his troubled head. When this handler is fatally shot it is revealed she has a grenade launcher in her shopping trolley, which is fucking awesome.
Before she pops off she reveals that 1000 Year Stare is the greatest weapon they have ever faced, which I am sure is something that gets said every week. With it the dirty Volgs are viewing the future and thus building robots superior to Hammersteins sand Blackbloods. Presumably these are like those Japanese sex robots I have been reading about that will rip your johnson out of it’s socket while giggling sweetly. Anyway, this action of peering into the future twists the minds of the scientists, making them create evil robots instead. So that’s more like the Slovene sex robot Melania Trump in fact.
The fact that two of these tear the place up is worrying, as is the revelation that these are Straw Dogs, which may or may not be a tie in with the ABC Warriors stories.
Bottom line this was a really good twist this as I thought we were on to a simple “hunt the murderer” story but instead we get future robots blazing away too.
The art is great, even down to the simple reflection of Volodina in the car window but that last page with the Straw Dogs getting to work is just fantastic.
I’m kinda bored now and I genuinely fell asleep reading this. In my defence I had been up quite late the night before but still…not a good sign.
So what happened? Well there was some stuff about a rash and our heroine turns to medicine which fails to produce results. Logically she tries alternative medicine and like many a homeopathic advocate, she dies an agonising death, the end.
Oh, hang on, it was telepathic worm healing which simply makes her predict the outcome of the US Election from 2016. As a final kill or cure method they are going to try to wipe out her personality, dull as it is, to get rid of the rash.
I think the problem here is that the script doesn’t seem to have moved forward this week and is showing the weakness of the tale. In its defence, the pace keeps up but instead of striding forward to get to the next set piece or increase the world building, this is simply running on the spot.
The backgrounds are still rich in detail with this week’s standouts being “Dolphin Sex”, “Namor’s Mer Sex” and “Zen & Jerry’s”, but I’m finding it harder and harder to give a fuck.
Savage. The shooter in the trolley made me laugh and the sci-fi twist being brought home with such force was a cracker.